Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

On this day, a year ago!! The day that changed our lives …


As I start to write on this day I wish to go as far as my memory can afford to recollect... to record and put down the run up to the events of the biggest turning point of my life. Feb 20th if I remember correctly … actually it goes a little before that too...maybe a week or so … the first time I hear of the name ‘Kannan’ … (little do I know then that it is going to be a part of my name soon !!) the first time I look at the picture …the obvious comments about his looks.. did it bother me so much..? no not at all.. I have myself never been a person who cares so much about external appearances. I frantically tried to search about him on social networks … seeking friend’s help to find mutual contacts. But unfortunately there was absolutely no information I could find..the fear of the unknown, it always drives me crazy. With the limited inputs my dad gave I agreed to for the official “sightseeing :P” … Yeah that was the fateful Feb20th .. the day that was about to change my life... forever!!
The first meeting: - yea I was anxious obviously, all the more because the descriptions that my dad gave didn’t particularly interest me…. ‘He is a very “good” guy, very quiet and no bad habits.’ I agreed to this session partly because they are coming all the way from Mumbai, the entire family. Even though I so hate this coffee giving bajji sojji eating thing happening at home, I at least thought the embarrassment would be restricted to my home. However they insisted on meeting outside, and the venue had to be a common place, hence was decided to meet in a temple. So there I was all dressed up in a saree with lots of jewellery, feeling like a bride already. The temple was fairly empty thankfully. We were waiting and here they come.
Oh the first look... as my eyes frantically searched among the crew of people that had landed, there he was my prince to be, in a pure white shirt and jeans (always!!). He was wearing glasses so I was not sure if our eyes actually met for that split second but I would like to assume that way... so filmy it sounds, I know :P yea totally like 2 states! Bollywood meets Kollywood... Vadapav meets Idli (to say it in my foodie husband’s style :P). After initial introductions finally we get our time and the first thing he says is we actually have a mutual friend. What!! he knows all about my social network... my likes and dislikes but I didn’t know a thing. I just proved to myself yet again I am such a moron when it comes to the virtual world. So then he starts speaking about himself. Loves to travel.. recently went to ladakh and all that… he knows that I love to read.. as always I am like I want to go to Sydney :P. After random talks for a few minutes and going around the temple we separated to go back to our families. And then came the moment … and we said YES!! I do remember it quite well, I looked at him one time sideways as my parents were anxiously waiting for my response. I smiled and thought to myself, yes this is it …and it was done. I didn’t speak to his parents so much, but his sister... omg she was so talkative nonstop asking me so many things. I was taken aback a little, didn’t know how to handle this. But I knew it was way too early and I should not be judgmental. Later I realized it really paid me off well for me being open and welcoming. Now I am part a wonderful new family with this awesome person as a partner for my life and I feel blessed!!
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Where is my half??!!



There is supposedly a belief that every one of us are a part of one complete soul, and all through our life we are in a search for that soul mate of ours… the so called better (/bitter??!!) half . I have always believed in this concept. That was till one day one of my friend said “I ‘m better off alone” ….. hmmmm may be that was true. Is it… how could it be ?? I sat thinking and I have never really liked being alone at any time. In fact it’s kind of a phobia for me… does it have a name yet … I googled and yes it does… ‘Monophobia’. But obviously I was not in the extreme cases, because in acute conditions it seems the patient can’t even go to the loo without a companion!!! (huh disgusting .. not me plz) … k k now back to the topic … So I tried to ask myself again. Whenever I happened to spend time alone (sometimes forced upon me or I force it on myself) I get very depressed … it feels strange and helpless. I end up thinking of all the sad moments of life, the people I miss so much and end up crying. And sometimes I get too philosophical and trying to make myself feel better I say that ‘Solitude is bliss’ and more such crap. Beyond a point it gets unbearable for me and I rush back to being in the company of the people and the maddening world. And sometimes even the company of strangers is fine for me!! So I just can’t be alone… and I thought that if I had my found my ‘soul mate’ by now I wouldn’t have even had to face all this. That doesn’t mean that I would expect him to be around me all the time. I would be satisfied by the mere presence somewhere far away. Filling my mind with his thought and feel happy that you are there in his thoughts too!! All these simple pleasures of life are so beautiful. Every one of us definitely needs it and I don’t want anyone to miss all this in life… by fearing about something that may have happened in the past. Each of us are blessed with abundance of love only to share it with your ‘the ONE’. Only then the life is complete!!
So for all those who are lucky enough to have found that special person already… am really happy for you!! And others like me… have hope and keep looking. You never know when you are going to meet them!! Happy searching !!

laksh:)
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For me ... for ONLY me

About 6 months back i remember talking with my friend over phone on a particularly emotional day. I had fought with someone and made myself all disappointed and depressed. ( Now when i think there was actually no big problem!! ) I felt very down and lonely all day, not even having anyone to share my feelings with. And i asked him, my voice choking with tears, ... " Can i ever have someone just for me?? .. who will be there with me .. with ONLY me always .. Is it wrong to to even wish for someone like that in my life ??.... "

My friend who was just so helplessly trying to console me said that there will definitely be such a person in my life and it is just that i need to wait. From that time until now there has been countless times that the same question keeps coming back to my mind... every time i am emotionally disturbed i quickly kind of go into a shell and feel very depressed about it. And i keep longing for that ONE who will be there with me always. I don't really mean that this person necessarily has to be one's life partner; it could be anyone - your friend, brother, sister or anyone who will be there for you ... for ONLY you!!

But is this ever possible at all;each of has have our own lives to lead and whether we will have the time to genuinely be with that someone when its needed the most....To all these questions i found the answer in the words of Swami Vivekananda, which my friend told me.

" Unconditional love is like a drop of water in the palm. The longer you hold the palm open and let the drop float free, the longer it stays. The moment you try to cover it up and possess it, its lost. "

So that was the answer - unconditional love!! every time i was looking to be dependent on one person i was being so possessive about them. Did i stop loving them just because they weren't there for me at sometimes... NO definitely not !!
I was so narrow minded and looking for only person when i failed to see that how many people filled that role and cared equally for me as i would have wanted. The love and care of each of these persons is like that precious drop of water in my hands. Every time i had that drop i got too excited and the fear of losing it took over me, so i would try to close my hands to make it mine .. ONLY mine!! But i realised that leaving my hands open has let so many drops collect in my hands increasing my happiness.

Let it remain open ... not just your hands but your heart too... and those tiny drops will come looking for you to fill you with limitless joy !!!

laksh:)
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Love of your loved ones

Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek & find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it

The first line probably doesn't make much sense now, but i am sure it will when you have finished reading this post.

In any of the relationships i have had till now, its never been that the other person has been expressive about their love and care. I am generally a very frank and expressive person and so initially it was really difficult for me to understand people around me - my parents, my friends and everyone else... i would never be able to feel the other person's affection for me and i would be upset about it. I always used to feel very bad that when i could show my love and care for someone, why am not it getting it back from anyone??? I used to doubt whether they truly like me or not... why is it that i was left to feel so lonely all the time???

I used to console myself that may be i was just meant to brood over it this way and i could not come out of it. Sometimes i got very angry but that did not help. It just made things worse and i was almost going to lose one of my dear friends. Even after that i never realised what is the mistake. But later on the truth dawned upon me .... since i was always on the look out for the visible signs of care i failed to see those invisible ones which always existed. In every small thing that the other person does for you the affection is there. Every moment in which you just exist in their thoughts, it means they LOVE you. Each and every person's emotional feelings and the way they express it is very different. We have to accept this and once this sinks in, you can feel the love the person has for you even when they don't say it.The immense joy and happiness this feeling will bring you is truly indescribable. I have felt it and i hope each of you will feel it definitely one day if you haven't already!!

laksh:)
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LOVE ......

This one word captures the essence in every relationship . This is one emotion or feeling which is more powerful than all positive emotions and is it so strong that it can overcome any negative feelings in your heart . It doesn't even have to be mutual ... And that's the whole beauty of it !!!

when a person you love may do things you don't like... may not care the same way as you do for them... may hate you, but you still have the same affection for them , and that's when you have true love for them...
And that's why its the purest of all emotions...the way to GOD !!

Only the person who is so true at heart can experience the joy and happiness when being in love . U know why they say - I "fell" in love....because when in love you may go down to actually hold the person you love, high up ...
But it is more than just sacrifice. It is embedded in every aspect of life.

Love is not a part of life... Love is life

laksh:)
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A new world !!

Some time recently i read a beautiful quote : " Every friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive."

It is just a simple one line, but the when the depth of the meaning sunk into me....i was just awestruck !!! How true is this !!
i am one person who really values friendship in my life...i have always had such a great place for all my friends.. very close to my heart...perhaps sometimes even above my family...

This is one relationship that is truly wonderful!!! Someone whom you have not met for your 20 years of life... have been with for just a few months... but is still willing to do anything for you just to help you... How amazing is it !!!
But unfortunately some people don't realize the depth and importance of such strong relationships !!!

Whatever it may be...I always truly keep each and everyone of my friend at such heights of love and affection!!! After all... through each one of them i have been able to discover that part of me which has been lying hidden within myself!!!

I am thankful to each one of my friends i have had till now and to the ones who are yet to come....for enjoying and relishing this delightful journey of discovery along with me....

laksh :)
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